Lately...

Lately, or not so lately, it's actually been going on for a while now, just normal things and people have been pissing you off. A lot of the time, honestly, you'd rather just be alone then spend time with some of the people that you're forced to spend time with on a daily basis. Seriously. There is nothing wrong with just being by yourself, sometimes seeing people is simply no fun, not worth the effort and turns out badly. So many people are douchebags and really should not talk about half of the things they talk about. Things they know nothing about, or things they've done, or anything. This feeling comes and goes of course, and there are people who you could not live without and who you look forward to seeing and talking to, but then, then there are those other people. And it's not really the people themselves, sometimes it is, but sometimes it's just the things they do or how they do them that bothers the hell out of you. You'll be standing somewhere at school, doing perfectly fine by yourself, and a bunch of people will just be standing there talking about something incredibly stupid. You don't care about it, you don't give half a shit about it, but at risk of being "that kid who doesn't talk to people" you join in the conversation, where you get stuck for way too long talking about homework or something. Why do you do this? It happens so often. You love people, you love talking to them if you like them and you're interested, but sometimes you'll just be in a bad mood for some reason, or in a i-just-don't-want-to-not-talk-to-anyone mood but someone will always start to talk to you. And you're not going to get mad at them, because you're not in that bad mood because of them and you're not going to just blow them off (though you really want to and sometimes you really should. You really should.) but, depending on who's talking, it may make you even angrier to talk to them. It's a vicious circle.

The routine just really wears you down. Wake up, school day, sport, homework, maybe some music, maybe some TV, not enough sleep, wake up, repeat. It's really tiring and that alone is enough to create a bad mood. That and the people that inhabit the various activities––school, sport, etc. Something else, something bigger yet less routine also generally happens to get you down, but soon that just becomes routine as well. Everything just gets to be a routine. Which gets to be draining.

The other thing is the homework. Homework is not the only problem. Ever. If "too much homework" is someone's biggest problem, then they have way bigger problems. Too much homework does, however, add insult to injury on the worst of days. You just had a terrible not-wanting-to-talk-to-people bad mood day, except, of course, you talked to and interacted with people you really want nothing to do with. You talked to and interacted with useless people about useless things, making your already bad mood even worse. You're finally able to go home and just do whatever you want, probably just listen to music, when you realize you have a huge mountain of homework. It's just there, although, unlike the other problems, like people bothering you and not wanting to be involved in a lot of things, you can deal with the homework. You can make it go away. But, like the other problems, it keeps coming back every single day. At a steady rate. Sometimes it increases, too. That's the worst.

This whole "not wanting to talk to people" thing is not just emo bullshit, either. It just happens––a break up, bad stuff at home, an annoying-ass kid at school, sometimes several annoying-ass kids at school, girl problems, boy problems, being stuck in a routine–– any number of things can piss you off. People just piss people off. Some much more than others and some permenantly. But it happens. So whatever. The best thing you can do is have at least couple friends you can, and really like to, be around and talk to and just kick it with. It's fine. Something will get better. Your homework load, the weather, your love life––something. And if you're lucky you might even want to talk to, like, everyone again. But, of course, you don't really want that. The other way is more fun. Sometimes. At least it's more fun to talk about.